Myspace Past.

Not sure what I'm doing. 8th/9th grade.

  Today, I figured out my email and password on my old Myspace.  Everyone is curious as to what their Myspace looks like, it's like a website with our past identities. What we used to be, before high school or the first year of it.  It is so crazy, how much I changed, how everyone changed.  Myspace was left behind because of Facebook and Twitter. Myspace has our top ten to one-hundred best friends. Who are friends were back then, when we left Myspace in 8th grade.
 


Freshman

  Without Myspace, I could not see all my old pictures of having a good time with my best friends. But, it was also one of the worst years of my life.  Myspace was a sad reminder of who backstabbed me and who was there for me. People blackmailed me and harassed me. I could not forget all of those memories. Myspace was the last resort I have to remembering everything in Middle school and Freshmen year. People say, forgive and forget. But not me, I'd like to know who and when did people kill my happiness and why they did.  I hold grudges, which isn't very healthy, I don't care though. As long as I remember who I am and what made me the way I am today, I'm okay with holding on to the past of disappointment and depression. 

  I love my life today, but I also miss the life I had before it all.  I don't miss the pain and I don't miss the bullshit.  But, without it I wouldn't be where I am today! I have a family and I live on my own, I'm only eighteen!  I think it's an accomplishment, not being a teen mom at seventeen... But, I don't care what people think of it.  My life is pretty much "perfect," I'm only sad because I had friends and most of them are gone now.  What even happened? We grew-up, we grew apart. College, jobs, or creating a family, that's what changed us. 
 


Me today.

   What else did Myspace remind me?  How I used to look and how I dressed.  I was in the stage of trying to find who I was.  You all know what I am talking about, Hollister to Hot topic to Claire's cheap neon colored jewelry.  I always had body insecurities, I had a muffin top, bad acne, huge thighs and a BIG butt.  I always felt like my body was not portioned right. Always drove me crazy, I tried the lemonade diet three times and diet type pills, before I was seventeen.  What made me so insecure with myself was my parents.  They made me hate myself all the time.  I look back and I don't see a problem with my body, I would die to have that body back.  Back then, I thought I was fat and now I am fat.  Why does being a mother have to take such a big toll on the body.  Don't we deserve it after the nine months of carrying another human-being.

  Since I was pregnant with my son, I wore my boyfriends clothes everyday with sweat pants.  I was a Junior trying to hide my pregnancy from my classmates.  I was a nobody to begin with so nobody really cared.  Anyway, I still wear my boyfriend's clothes.  It is like a security blanket for me, I'm not comfortable wearing my own clothes because most of them don't fit anymore.  I am a lot bigger, than before I had Hiro and I hate shopping for myself.